One Food I Always Regret Eating
There’s always that food that seems like it’s going to be the best culinary experience you’ve ever had. Even though you’ve had it before and were always disappointed, you know this time will be different. This time he’s changed! And at first, it’s great. It’s the best thing ever. All of your problems are solved because this food is awesome!
But…then things go south. It starts to get less awesome. And then it just kind of nosedives at a certain point, and you aren’t sure why you’re eating it. Frankly, you feel a little dirty. You can’t even look at yourself because you’re so full of regret and self-loathing and WHAT HAVE YOU DONE YOU FOOL. WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOONE?
And after crying in the shower, you eventually just repeat this whole process another time. It’s like an abusive relationship, really, and you just can’t get out of it.
For me, this food is Oreos. I always think it’s going to be a great idea eating Oreos, until all of a sudden I feel like I shoved a handful of topsoil into my mouth. Then…I no longer think it’s a great idea.
At first, it’s not so bad. The first couple Oreos are fine actually, because I dip them heavily in milk to soften them up. But after a few, I get that familiar, gritty feeling in my mouth. Really, I should just stop eating them after a few, but that damn frosting keeps me coming back for more! And so I end up feeling like a garden gnome took a crap in my mouth. (You probably didn’t know this, but garden gnomes poop dirt.) The milk doesn’t even help anymore. I specifically save a lot of milk to drink after I am done eating the cookies, in an effort to wash out some of the crumbs. No such luck. I have to brush my teeth after every serving of Oreos to avoid looking like I enjoy the consumption of mud.
I’ll never learn my lesson, though. I’ll keep coming back for more. Maybe not right away, but eventually.
What about you? What’s your food that you know not to eat, but do anyway?
Hello, my name's Josh and I might be a hipster (you decide!). I've been blogging and designing in some form for the past eight or so years and I think I'm starting to get the hang of it (once again, you decide!). I love indie music, coming of age stories, sarcasm, video games, and aesthetics. At the moment I'm working part-time and going to college with hopes of being a web designer. 
Posted by Clem — Thursday, March 24th 2011
Onion rings. I love them deeply, but they make me feel physically ill after about 2-3. Yet I ALWAYS seem to order them, and think I can eat them all, and then I feel like vomiting after a few. :P
Posted by Macca — Thursday, March 24th 2011
Entire punnets of strawberries in one sitting. I love strawberries so much that I could eat them all day, but they make me sick when I eat an entire punnet. Never stopped me, though.
Posted by Justine — Friday, March 25th 2011
Oreos are definitey high up in my list, because once you pop them into your mouth it’s the whole garden gnome analogy you just mentioned, but they’re just so yummy. But number one would have to be white rice. Sure, it’s a staple for us AZNs but sometimes I can’t control it, that’s why I’ve been cutting back as of late.
Posted by Jana — Friday, March 25th 2011
Macdonald’s anything. >.<
Oreos didn't live up to my expectations, so I don't buy them often at all. If ever… I think I've bought them once. xD
Posted by Kay — Saturday, March 26th 2011
Sushi. Oh man. I always feel so sophisticated ordering it, and the first california roll is always pretty tasty when dipped in soy sauce and wasabi. But you get this weird feeling with the roll in your mouth when you realize it’s cold and the seaweed is weirdly stringy, and then you’re just trying to swallow as fast as possible to get the awkward texture out of your mouth. Of course, when I’m finished the first roll, I realize there’s two more that I have to eat, because I don’t want to look like a douche by throwing them out.
I’m with you Josh.Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?
Posted by Bec — Sunday, March 27th 2011
Sausages. Like, the big thick ones. (lolz, inappropriate)
I can never get them cooked all the way through (or maybe they are but I’m just paranoid), eat a few bites before throwing it out, then feel slightly nauseous for several hours (although that could just be in my head).
I thoroughly enjoyed this blog entry.
Posted by Ashley — Tuesday, March 29th 2011
It’s Oreos for me too, man. I know my limit is two or three but then I’ll go and eat like six or seven. It’s to the point now that if I want two, I take two out of the package and then shove it back in the pantry behind something so I won’t go get more because I’m lazy.
I have the same problem with the grilled cheese sandwiches at one of our campus cafes, too. The first two bites are always delicious but then after I’m drowning in a sea of pain and OH GOD WHY from all the butter.