Things I Thought When I Was a Kid
Ah childhood. A time when things were simpler and a lot of things you thought were completely ridiculous and based on lackluster cognitive skills. For example:
Sticker Bushes
I distinctly remember getting out of a car and my mom saying, “Watch out for the sticker bush.” And I remember thinking, “Sticker bush? I like stickers.” In case anyone isn’t familiar with the term, because I’m sure it’s fairly colloquial to certain areas, I mean a thorn bush.
What I thought it meant was a bush that was covered in stickers. Like, stickers. The kind you get on your test when you get a good grade. Of course you can see how I might get mixed up, but it’s still unreasonable to think that there would be a bush that has stickers growing on it (which is in fact what I thought).
Batman
You ask a kid, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” You’ll get a variety of answers, like doctor, fireman, astronaut, scientist, etc. I had bigger plans, though. Far bigger plans than all my silly, 1st grade peers. While they were dreaming of a trifling career in exploring space, I was devising my plans to be Batman. Not any superhero. Batman.
Yep, when I was a youngin’ I specifically wanted to be Batman. I even had a plan for it too! I was going to be a wealthy businessman (or a wealthy something), like Batman, and I was going to fight crime at night using cool gadgets and martial arts, like Batman. I envisioned being at odds with the police, because of the fact that I would be a vigilante. But, like any good Batman, I would always disappear into the night after apprehending the criminals.
So far, uh…that isn’t working out. Might have to rethink my life plan and go with a different name. DC Comics would definitely sue me for copyright and trademark infringement.
Reading the Newspaper
You know the stereotypical TV/movie scene where some dude is pooping and he’s reading the newspaper? Well, when I was a kid, I saw this and my thought process was “I guess you’re supposed to read the newspaper when you go to the bathroom.” And I was still potty training at the time, so, of course, I wanted to go to the bathroom the right way and quickly adapted. This was the result:
Now, granted, I couldn’t actually read at the time. But I wasn’t about to let that stop me! No sir. I adopted the Fake It ‘Til Ya Make It strategy and (conveniently) placed a newspaper in front of me and pretended to read. Yeah, checking out the coupons, no big deal. Totally nonchalant.
And those are a few things I remember thinking as a kid, and now thinking, “Wow, my cognitive powers sure were crappy relative to now!” Except for wanting to be Batman. That was not a silly kid idea. That was an awesome idea.
Is there anything you did or thought as a kid that’s silly in retrospect?
Hello, my name's Josh and I might be a hipster (you decide!). I've been blogging and designing in some form for the past eight or so years and I think I'm starting to get the hang of it (once again, you decide!). I love indie music, coming of age stories, sarcasm, video games, and aesthetics. At the moment I'm working part-time and going to college with hopes of being a web designer. 
Posted by Nellie — Thursday, October 14th 2010
Back when TV stations would close down for the night, we had this cartoon called ‘The Goodnight Kiwi’ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2H2BOGGUbm4) which would play when they stopped broadcasting. I was SO scared of him because my parents would tell me that if I didn’t go to bed before the Goodnight Kiwi came on TV, he would eat me.
There was one time I had fallen asleep on the couch and my dad woke me up as the Goodnight Kiwi was playing and I ran screaming to my room and hid under the covers. I could hear Dad laughing and I thought it was because he thought it was funny that I was going to be eaten by the damn cartoon Kiwi! LOL.
Posted by gem — Thursday, October 14th 2010
Well instead of wanting to be Batman, I was convinced that when I grew up I was going to be a cat. Not Catwoman, but an actual cat. Like meow, meow, purr, purr, tail and all. I unfortunately have not become a feline. Sadface.
Posted by Jem — Friday, October 15th 2010
You were an adorable kid ;D
Posted by Josh — Friday, October 15th 2010
@Jem: I know, what happened? ;)
@Gem: Being an actual cat has been one of my dreams since I started high school. :P Something about lazing around all day is very enticing.
Posted by Clem — Friday, October 15th 2010
I don’t remember thinking anything silly as a child. I was obviously always a supergenius.
Um… I like your coupons. It shows how responsible you were as a toddler. Always thinking about the future, that Josh.
Posted by Manda — Friday, October 15th 2010
I wanted to grow up to be Liesl von Trapp from The Sound of Music when I was little :P
Posted by Liz — Monday, October 18th 2010
Ahahh. That picture was adorable! And sticker bushes? That’s pretty cute. :P
I used to think that my Barbies and Polly Pockets came to life at night.
I also screamed when I was little and was put in the dirt or mud, because I was afraid of getting dirty. o.o