Disenchanted
Once upon a time I had these grand ideas and dreams about being an adult. I was all excited to graduate high school and move on to the next step in my life. I was excited to be independent and responsible and all that exciting jazz. Or at least that’s what I thought. Adulthood and the next step in my life seemed a lot more appealing before I actually got here. Or at least the part I’m in right now.
When I graduated high school I was positive I would move out, live at university, have a great time, meet new people, grow, be independent and succeed. Turns out I didn’t do any of that. At least not on the first try. I went for a little over half of my first semester and withdrew. I was supposed to live on campus, but I left after the second day. I wouldn’t say I was in the best time of my life then. There was a lot going on and I basically said “Hey I’m going to go to culinary school,” as an easy way out of college. For the time being anyway. Not that that’s an excuse, I just suck at responsibility.
I withdrew a few months ago, voluntarily and officially. After consideration, I realized I have no desire to go to culinary school, and I have, in fact, applied for readmission to the university from which I withdrew. In a nutshell, I could be in my second semester now, but I fucked up royally and am back at nothing. The earliest I can go back to school is in the fall. I haven’t received notification from the university yet, but hopefully they’ll readmit me. And if not, I’ll go to community college for a bit and transfer.
That whole situation has been more or less resolved. I made a mistake and I’m trying to fix it. I’ve got a plan and a backup plan and learned from error that I can’t just decide “Hey, I don’t wanna go to school anymore.” The only problem now is I have no idea where my life is going. In any sense. I don’t know what I’m going to study in school, I don’t know what career path I’ll pursue, I don’t know anything about the future. And I feel like either I’m the only one, or everyone else is super good at hiding it.
Sometimes I feel like I’m paralyzed in the present; I’ll never be able to move forward. But other times I’m much more optimistic. Really all I do is take life a few days at a time and try to understand its complexities and mysteries. And wait to finally grow up, and stop being a child, and finally come into adulthood.
Hello, my name's Josh and I might be a hipster (you decide!). I've been blogging and designing in some form for the past eight or so years and I think I'm starting to get the hang of it (once again, you decide!). I love indie music, coming of age stories, sarcasm, video games, and aesthetics. At the moment I'm working part-time and going to college with hopes of being a web designer. 
Posted by Clem — Friday, January 15th 2010
It’s okay, buddy. You’ll finish a year later than most other people, but, hey, at least you get a long time off. 8D
Posted by Scott — Friday, January 15th 2010
We all make mistakes, and I nearly made the same mistake you did. I was SO close to dropping college, but my parents wouldn’t let me. I’m actually glad they didn’t let me drop out (even though I like to think I’m always right).
Whenever they told me I was going to college, I’d rebel more. But yes, parents always win.
Good luck with going back to Uni!
Posted by Chantelle — Friday, January 15th 2010
You had a minor setback. Even though you may not know what you want to study, you know a bit more about what you don’t want (no dropping out and going to culinary school). Don’t feel paralyzed. Your future still seems wide open to me. Be optimistic.
Posted by Meg — Friday, January 15th 2010
Dude, I have no idea what I’m studying in college (also, what I vaguely want to study is not what my parents want me to), and there are many, many other people around me who feel more or less the same. I never plan anything, and yet I fully believe everything will turn out just fine. It usually does. You’ll be fine. Good luck, yo. (Also, we’re ohclementine.com siblings!)
Posted by Aisling — Friday, January 15th 2010
Eh, that’s what being young is FOR. I didn’t decide what I wanted to do until I was nearly 21. Good thing, too, because I LOVE what I’m doing, and would I have loved teaching as much? Maybe, maybe not. I do know that I enjoy being creative, and that creativity may have been lacking a bit if I was trying to make high schoolers understand history. :P
Posted by Manda — Saturday, January 16th 2010
You have so much time to figure out what you want to study/what you want to do with your life. A lot of people complete college with a degree in hand and STILL have no idea what they want in life, so don’t feel like you’re the only one in this position. In my experience, college is structured so that in the first two years, you have time to take all sorts of classes you are interested in to help you figure out what you want to do. It’s not till junior year that you have to officially declare a major in most schools, so you have time! :)
Posted by Robmarie — Wednesday, January 20th 2010
I’ve… been there. To be honest, it’s a feeling that doesn’t completely go away, especially if you have many dreams and aspirations, and are set to accomplish a lot of things in life, it’s kind of hard to pick one place to start. But, that’s life — you think you have it figured out, but then the SLIGHTEST event can change everything. Life is so ample and unpredictable, that there really is no way to be sure. It’s good to want (and have!) a life plan, as it will create direction for your goals. But! It’s also important to add some flexibility in there. Sometimes, new interests spark, or you get better at something, and then your vocation makes more sense.
In any case, don’t worry; more than learning about something academic, college is about figuring yourself out. You’ll realize that the life experience you gain will be more helpful than what you learned in the classroom. In fact, when you graduate college, you’ll look back and realize how much one changes in such a relatively short time span. It might seem like bull now, but trust me — you’ll see it!
In any case, don’t worry. You will figure out with time what works best for you. =) It’s admirable that you are placing so much thought and consideration towards what you want out of life. Best of luck to you!